So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
