remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
