Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
