is your mom at the bar?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
