I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
