I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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