We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
