Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
