Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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