Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
how does that bad decision feel?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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