I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
