I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
