I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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