what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
