You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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