Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
