So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
