Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's never too late to be topless.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
