Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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