Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
