So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
