I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
