I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
