I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
