I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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