Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
