omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
