Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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