You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
