can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
