I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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