Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
