Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
