last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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