Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
it was like having sex with a tree stump
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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