just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
