If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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