i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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