i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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