OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
