i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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