im drinking this country out of the recession.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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