i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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