I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
