ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
