Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
