I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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