i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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