The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
