READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
