if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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